I’ve previously shared that I didn’t return to public worship for several months after experiencing the tragic death of my husband back in July 2024.
Although I streamed worship services in the privacy of my home during that time, I often crumbled into a pile of anguished tears and sobs during the music portions of the service.
Often, music can be a balm in times of discomfort. But I didn’t experience this.
Instead, all music, not just worship music, made my grief more intense.
Although I physically returned to public worship services in January 2025, just hearing the music still made me crumble into tears. It was exhausting to fight them while in public.
There was no way I could add my voice to the singing or even hum along.
My heart was still too shattered.
There were some who couldn’t grasp why taking part with music was so hard for me.
But God understood.
Proverbs 25:20 |How a Heavy Heart Began to Sing Again
Things to know before proceeding.
What is the purpose of the Book of Proverbs?
The book of Proverbs is a collection of sayings intended to teach wisdom to God’s people. These sayings provide practical insights for living out an upright and moral life worthy of our creator God. (Proverbs 1:1-7)
Today I am looking closely at one that reveals God understands that when someone is recovering from a significant trauma, they can find music painfully cruel.
20 Whoever sings songs to a heavy heart
is like one who takes off a garment on a cold day,
and like vinegar on soda. [1]
What is the coldest temperature you can tolerate without your clothes?
Now imagine if you couldn’t have clothing to keep you warm. Describe how uncomfortable you would be.
Depending on which translation one uses, the last phrase of Proverbs 25:20 is “vinegar on soda” or “vinegar on a wound”.
Combing vinegar and soda creates an explosive reaction of bubbling carbon dioxide while rendering the individual ingredients useless.
Pouring vinegar on a wound yields pain because of the acidic nature of vinegar.
How are these painful things compared to singing songs to someone with a heavy heart?
Now describe a time you experienced a heavy heart.
What types of things did you find insensitive during your painful time?
This proverb instructs us what not to do when with someone who has a broken heart.
Now consider the following verses:
15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.[2]
26 If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together. [3]
4 a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; [4]
What do these verses instruct us to do for those who are struggling with a heavy heart?
Reflect again on a time you experienced a heavy heart. What things helped you the most?
Proverbs 25:20 |How a Heavy Heart Began to Sing Again
Back to my personal experience.
Being in public with others was hard enough when I feared I’d fall apart.
How on earth could I possibly sing any tune, let alone for worship?
The additional pain for me during this time is that I am a classically trained musician.
Playing classical flute or piano music was an intense passion of mine starting in junior high school.
Some who knew found this completely baffling that music was painful to me during this time of grief.
But others, more in tune with a sense of loss, understood that I struggled deeply when the Lord asked me to give up performing music as a career.
Thus, music being such a passionate part of my past, triggered additional heartache beyond the recent loss of my husband.
Wrapping my heart and mind around my belief that the Lord is sovereign yet allowed this recent tragedy cuts to the core of my very being. Thus, singing worship songs was indeed like having my clothing removed on a wintry day or having vinegar poured on my wounds.
But again I repeat, God understood and still does. Even if others don’t.
Consider the following verses,
36 Then Jesus went with them to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to his disciples, “Sit here, while I go over there and pray.” 37 And taking with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, he began to be sorrowful and troubled. 38 Then he said to them, “My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here, and watch with me.”[5]
What did Jesus ask his disciples to do when he was troubled?
39 And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying, “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.” 40 And he came to the disciples and found them sleeping. And he said to Peter, “So, could you not watch with me one hour? 41 Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”[6]
What does Jesus want to happen?
How did the disciples disappoint Jesus?
What does Jesus affirm about our human state?
42 Again, for the second time, he went away and prayed, “My Father, if this cannot pass unless I drink it, your will be done.” 43 And again he came and found them sleeping, for their eyes were heavy. 44 So, leaving them again, he went away and prayed for the third time, saying the same words again.[7]
Who sustained Jesus? His disciples or God?
What does this teach us about how to help those who are experiencing a heavy heart?
When Jesus returned from his third trip to pray with God, he announced to his disciples,
“Sleep and take your rest later on. See, the hour is at hand, and the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. 46 Rise, let us be going; see, my betrayer is at hand.” [8]
Jesus’ time alone in prayer with the Lord is what gave Him the strength and courage to face His calling. His disciples failed him, but he didn’t hold it against them. Rather, he stayed focused on remaining obedient to his calling.
I can relate to this because for the first time since losing my husband, I could sing in worship this past Sunday.
Before heading to worship, I spent an hour alone with God reading scripture and writing in my journal.
The last thing I wrote in my journal was a request that God would enable me to worship him fully at the worship service.
I’ve never asked that of God before.
There is no doubt in my mind that this is why I could sing.
Yes, I still teared up a little. But I didn’t have to stop singing.
Please don’t misunderstand.
Grief is still very tender, yet just as the seeds must die to sprout and push up through the soil to grow stronger, I see my ability to sing in worship for the first time since losing my husband as a sign of growth and healing.
This doesn’t mean there won’t still be moments of tears and heartache.
But the Lord is mending me, bit by bit. For this, I am warmly touched and thankful.
What are you most thankful for that God is doing for you?
Warmly,
Barbara Lynn
[1] The Holy Bible: English Standard Version (Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles, 2016), Pr 25:20.
[2] The Holy Bible: English Standard Version (Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles, 2016), Ro 12:15.
[3] The Holy Bible: English Standard Version (Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles, 2016), 1 Co 12:26.
[4] The Holy Bible: English Standard Version (Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles, 2016), Ec 3:4.
[5] The Holy Bible: English Standard Version (Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles, 2016), Mt 26:36–38.
[6] The Holy Bible: English Standard Version (Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles, 2016), Mt 26:38–41.
[7] The Holy Bible: English Standard Version (Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles, 2016), Mt 26:42–44.
[8] The Holy Bible: English Standard Version (Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles, 2016), Mt 26:45–46.
Barbara, I can relate with you in this time . Sometime I will get together with you and share my story. Love you girl. God is the only one who can heal.